Wired for Emotional Safety.
The statement "Trust is not given; it is earned" holds profound meaning for many individuals. Our society grapples with vulnerability in conversations as a result of shattered trust. Our world is plagued by a lack of trust, often due to pervasive qualities such as greed, self-centeredness, and individualism, where "I" takes precedence over "we". Trusting someone allows for the disclosure of hopes, dreams, and fears without the need to intentionally conceal aspects of your life. This sense of trust offers the comfort of knowing that individuals are genuinely interested in accessing your emotional wounds to aid in your healing. In considering trust, it is essential to incorporate the aspect of emotional safety, as it plays a pivotal role in creating an environment in which trusting others becomes a viable possibility.
Emotional safety is about sharing your innermost thoughts, feelings, and emotions with someone you trust completely. It's essential that the person you confide in not only listens actively but also asks sensitive, insightful questions. They should create an atmosphere that encourages you to express yourself freely, without reservation. Therapists commonly refer to this as "holding the space," and it's crucial to thoroughly explore its significance, especially in the context of emotional safety.
Whenever someone creates a safe space for me, the atmosphere feels inviting, tranquil, and open. Their emotional sensitivity sets the tone for whether it's a place where I can freely discuss aspects of my life that I've hesitated to share before. When I sat with my grandma on the porch, I always felt like she had created a safe space for me. It was our time to chat about what was going on with the neighbors, or simply to enjoy being together on summer days. Whether we were smiling at the sound of the ice cream truck coming around the block or admiring a rainbow after a rainstorm, she made me feel secure. These moments contributed to my development of trust and the necessary components for a safe environment.
When honing your communication skills, it's valuable to take a moment to recollect occasions when a conversation provided you with a sense of emotional security. If you haven't encountered this, it's worth spending some time reflecting on how the absence of emotional safety influenced your perspective on building relationships. In her article "What’s the truth about trust," Jill Suttie emphasized that while trustworthiness is often perceived as a fixed quality, research has revealed that it is actually adaptable and influenced by our experiences. For instance, if your sense of trust was initially shaped by certain individuals but has since shifted to people who do not embody the qualities you are accustomed to, this can impact your capacity for trust.
Having worked with a wide range of populations in a therapeutic setting, I have gained a deep understanding of the significant effects of consistent breaches of trust on people. Establishing a setting that prioritizes emotional safety is crucial for cultivating more profound and genuine connections. It's important to be open-minded and empathetic towards others' perspectives to prevent overlooking or invalidating their valuable experiences.
